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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."