Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.