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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Partying on my level requires years of training.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!