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Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.