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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.