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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!