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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.