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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"