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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Just once Iād like to learn something the easy way.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Iām supporting our troops today by going commando.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch