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First fart at my new job.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.