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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.