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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.