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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?