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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.