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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.