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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Iām sick of closing out every job interview with āI was young. I needed the money.ā
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Asking me if Iām hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?