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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I should come with a warning label.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"