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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.