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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.