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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?