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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.