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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.