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I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
A leaf blower, but for people.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`