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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
The word bed looks like a bed.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.