Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.