Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do