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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.