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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful