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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
u cant spell awesome without me
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.