Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.