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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them