Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.