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Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.