Daily Silly Status

So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.

The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.

"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.

Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.

I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.

I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie

My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.

Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.

Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally

So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.

Black holes must be where God divided by zero.