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In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.