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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Velcro, what a rip-off!
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t