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Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
I need a new bad decision.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married