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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
What if the weather talks about us?
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....