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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.