Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I like it like that
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.