Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.