Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.