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Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?