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Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.