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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.