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I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
I have a black belt in leather
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels