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I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat