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A wise man, will often say nothing
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.