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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.