Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.