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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.