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Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!