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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.