Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.