Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.