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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes